Pretend you have a knife...

I was watching 23, and the scene where the lead calls out to her mate to tie her tight... was immensely heartbreaking. How so? Well, let's just say it was something similar, something exciting that had been given up. I must stop this nostalgia. This madness, this unhealthy euphoria whenever something remotely close comes to my senses...Visually, audibly, even my sense of smell is affected when a whiff of Swiss Army comes near... Yes , you aren't the only one with that scent, and I so hate it. That your control over me retains its vile strength. I do not wallow in self pity and self indulgence, I strive on human touch and emotional baggage is just not condusive to breaking out from the shell... Not when it seems I should be caring for your own baggage.

I dwell on minutiae and I know you like that, all women do. Wouldn't you agree, that the most senstive men pay attention to your slightest needs, and how funny it is that movies more often than not depict that good men are either gay, married, or dead. I am a good man. I guess I'm not bad enough.

Watching: The Number 23 - Jim Carrey (Dir: Joel Schumacher)
A good show, nice twists and turns but no roller coaster ride here. Not much of a thriller but the dreamscape of storytelling helps to lighten the mood. I wish those fucking censorship board assholes wouldn't cut out so much, put a R21 on it for god's sake if you're so worried about censorship. Who gives a damn about 18 year olds when I'm 25. Unless you're 18 and female and ready and willing...

Listening: Nothing.

Reading: Nothing at the moment. Have taken a short break.

Think I'll go to Boston, think I'll start a new life

Achievement is derived from hardwork and hardwork is all I've put into March of 2007. From the planning of my command's ceremony to the attendance of additional roles in my portfolio and to train my crew up in the better aspects of navigation, readying ourselves for that eventual inspection. Which we ended up passing. And so herein March lay tattered and torn at my feet. I'd defeated a demon better known as exhaustion and I came out triumphant above the odds. A breath of fresh air just blew in my face, okay I jest. The engine exhaust just blew in my face but it never smelled better... with the irritable tears in your eyes, you wouldn't have been able to bring me down today. Today was all about us, about me, about you and about we. Together we came thru and I achieved my first realtime operational inspection. I salute me and you and a dog named Boo.

Watching: Superman Returns
I'd love to have Xray vision.

Listening: Big Machine - Velvet Revolver

REading: As mentioned below. I'm kinda stuck.

Ready your breakfast and eat hearty!!!

Well it's been a... a good month of March... really. It has. Despite the fact that news came at a bad time, a time when I didn't need that kind of shock. At least Clerks 2 was available and Happy Feet came at an ok time to cheer things up. I was glad there were dance performances to watch too, they always hit a chord inside. I didn't things well, not at all. Was never so shaken before but the very thought... just reverberated through the entire body and I found myself actually shaking. How ironic, that you made me shake when it was supposed to end, and now that I want it all to end, it made me quiver even harder. But it also made me realise that as important a decision it is for you to make... I can only give my support but I'd never give my blessings. It would be a mistake to deny myself the knowledge that he'd be any better than me, that I could never have given you what I wanted, as much as I don't know how much you could give me in return and I ain't hanging around to wait now that you don't deny the marriage. I no longer hope, I no longer yearn. I no longer ponder. But I still care.

Watching: Clerks 2
"Oooooooh... would you fuck me? I'd fuck me.. I'd fuck me hard..... " The New and Improved Jay and Silent Bob. Hell yeah!!!

Listening: Boston by Augustana
Thanks bro for the piece of music. Took me awhile to start appreciating it but in good time. Think I'll start a new life.
Have a change of weather.
Some snow would be nice.


Reading: Still the Amber Spyglass.

I only require that you kneel

Edison actually said he was impressed with my English. Coming from him, I think that means a helluva lot. So now what, things have just gone from bad to worse. The wounds keep on tearing open and the blood keeps on flowing. Yes, it still hurts, and it hurts very badly. Until I talked to Eeshuen, I think I've never had the courage to look up to a new day. Or rather I chose not to look to a new day. Cause I've always wanted to be there for her. Be there to catch her when she falls. Just that you realise when you love a person too much, the one who hurts the most is just yourself. What can I do... sweep it all aside. Start a new chapter just as this new appointment has done. I've done exciting things few have done, sailed to places many have only dreamed of. Life and its ups and downs is at a point where it can be too extreme to handle.

Watching: 300
Yes... Tanight! We dine! In hell~~!!

Listening: Open Arms - Journey
So now I turn to you,
With open arms.
Nothing to hide,
Believe what I say.

So here I am,
With open arms.
Hoping you'll see,
What your love mean's to me.

Reading: The Amber Spyglass
Finishing soon.... Ivan must find new read. Huff Huff.

I'm drawn in...
Whenever you speak
Whenever you weep
Whenever you laugh
Whenever you cry

And I sense...
Your touch still
Your scent distil
Your loving eyes
Your tummy when you're ill

I turned away
From your smile
From your cries
From your eyes
From your goodbyes

I wrote a hope
I wrote to boast
I wrote myself
I wrote to hurt the one thing that I love most



Ivan Chua
8 Mar 07