Fly away from here, anywhere... Baby I don't care

It's 0935H and all I'm doing is reading my book and enjoying the airconditioning in the squadron's lounge. Ship's out, nothing I can do save to roam the base, searching for nothing. Searching for someone to talk to, to irritate, to fuss over. My baby's asleep still, she's always so tired, that 'fraidy cat of a dog took away many hours of sleep from her usual hours. Her little blithe body more fragile than before. I'll take her out for some sun one of these days, I think it'll do her good.

Reading her blog, made me think, made me perceptive to the bigger things, not just the little ones, although many would attest that I've always paid attention to detail in the scarcest areas that need looking into. A sad habit of mine... minding the details of that which could've been overlooked. I guess that's what makes me a sensitive man. Not that I mind though, not that I do at all. I'll look after myself to look after you darling, that's for sure. Some things have to change. Some things will remain the same... Change is always good...


Watching: Pirates of the Carribbean - At World's End
Aaaye! We best be lost when tis the only way to find a place that can't be found!
Let her run straight and true!!!

Listening: Bedshaped - Keane
The Sun in your eyes... yes the sun is in your eyes baby, let it shine through you keep the body ever so warm.

Reading: The little book that BEATS THE MARKET
Magic Formulas... the first I've come across but none too nonsensical. Time will tell.

You took a town by storm the mess you made was nominated

And I am barely breathing, she sits next to me... An evening under the clouds and stars above. It wasn't the daiquiri that I was having, not the cocktail pulling its puppet strings on my mind. We lie back and enjoy the cool wind, it's a hot night, I'm glad we're dressed lightly.

She's in a little tank top, the kind you'd find attractive on a woman who knows where her best assets lie. I can't say that I was giving her my undivided attention, after all, her rising bosoms were screaming out to me. And I dared to claw my way through her clothes with my mind. Her hair's lightly tussled, tied in a half ponytail that reveals more of her face. She looks lovely, a sight to behold. She sits next to me... closer.

I can almost smell her perfume, but it's not. It's just her scent... sweet, fruity, she's a big fan of Clairol's maybe? We're this close and she's holding me, she runs her fingers across my chest. I breathe heavy. She kisses me, lightly on the chest, her lips mutter the approval of me using Polo Double Black. And she moves higher... higher still. Until our lips touch. They're soft, like flower petals, firm, yet delicate and her breathing is laboured, just like mine. Did she feel my heartbeat when she snuggled up next to me? It must've been so, I felt her shiver when I returned the kiss. Oh yes, you have to return it when you want that person as much as she does you, isn't it so? I took her in my arms and kissed fiercely. With as much fire as I could muster, as much desire I could pour outforth with just a kiss.

And I hadn't even started with my tongue...

Watching: Pirates of the Carribean; At World's End
Without a doubt, the series is getting too way over its head and becoming nonsensical. Singapore doesn't look like that, but I guess, movie's a movie! Still an enjoyable watch but many references to the previous movie required a little backtracking. 3.5 out of 5 orgasms. half an orgasm for the Keith Richards cameo.

Listening: Fortune Faded - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
So divine
Hell of an Elevator
All the while my fortune faded
Never Mind
the consequences of the crime this time my fortune faded.

Reading: Flowers For Algernon
Almost ending... Charlie Gordon, it's getting hard not to cry ...

Ain't no other woman that could take your place my love

It was yet another routine patrol out on the Straits... Near the Rock... Nightfall, the sun sets behind me and the salty breeze pushes ruffles my hair into a mess as I stand out on the port bridge wing. It's a Saturday, I'll be heading home tomorrow where I'll get to see her. Get to touch her, get to hold her, get to kiss her, to caress and to feel her. I can't wait. That's just a figure of speech isn't it... I will because I can't do anything else but. I think that's enough breeze for now.

I return to my seat, I'm lucky Danny's with me on the watch. He's always been a good friend when it came down to advice and a good sport when it comes to my jokes and a dead-on whiz with the radar. I don't realise it until he tells me, "Sir, you're so in love."

"How can you tell?" I exclaim, surprise inherent in the tone of my voice.

"You don't realise that you've been singing that love song for the longest time?" says Danny, grinning from ear to ear. He has a Jack Nicholson grin that I bet girls find irresistible.

I pause in my thoughts and I look at him, he nods and smiles knowingly. Try as I might, I can't help laughing, that I've really found someone who's willing to give as much as I want to, someone with the same hunger for passion as I, with the same lust for life and love that hungers and claws out for more. And it's not scary, this insatiability, this... craving. Because each time I'm with her, it calms me down just to lie next to her, to hold her and to be in her arms.

Her eyes are like opals, shiny and glistening with tear swept blinks, they betray her emotions each time I look into them. I can't wait, to be drawn into her gaze and drift away into our own world. A world where exists my love emanating from within onto her.

Without a doubt, without regrets, without wanton, without a care.

I love you.


Watching: --

Listening: My Love - Justin Timberlake/futuresexlovesounds
"Ain't no other woman that could take your spot my love."

Reading: Flowers For Algernon
The anger of knowing, the loss of childlike happiness, a descent into the thralls of adulthood. I curse that I never read this earlier.

I found a way back into love

Pikture this...

"He walks into the bookstore, leading her by the hand. They must've been together for long... I don't see the passion in their eyes. I don't see him looking at her like he would have when they started...

It's a bookstore they're in. The kind you'd find with plenty of magazines from around the world. But it's nice, cause they've got fantastic books on sale all the time. Yes, so, back to the magazines. They walk... they stop. And where do they stop? You wouldn't be able to guess.

He leads them to the shelf, the shelf containing Men's Magazines. And I don't mean the Fitness section. He probably should've though, waist size 38inches perhaps? He reaches for Esquire, he places it back, he bends down 20 degrees, tilts his head down and reaches for the bottom shelf. It's everyone's favourite FHM Singapore. She holds his hand still.

And I have no idea..."

Girls, please tell me what the fuck is a woman doing with a man who doesn't give a damn about her feelings when it comes to reading men's magazines? For the love of God, have some dignity and slap him on the arm or something.

Watching: The Host
Holy shit, it's the first korean movie I think is pretty decent.

Listening: Meds - Placebo
Still

Reading: Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keys
I haven't started but I bought it already.

It's not that he gave up his life for his country...it's just that I never told him that I loved him the most

"As the dawn approaches, my heavy eyelids lift and i shuffle and turn, away from the morning sun as it creeps onto my bed. the birds have started to call, it must be... yeah i guessed it, 830am.....

830am!?! Holy shit what the hell am I doing in bed!?!? Oh ... yes, it's the weekend, thank the gods. with a lazy turn and a reluctant push i urge myself towards the bathroom and remove the little clothing i have. it was a wild night and she's still sleeping. my BB, my little carrot top, see how she smiles.

the cold water rains down my back, invigorating, inviting, calming, chilling until i get used to the temperature. i love the feel of water around me, it is peaceful, it is serene, it is gentle and it feels like BB caressing me with her hands and the timid murmur of excitement sends shudders all through me.

it must have been the splashes of water that woke her up, she wears little, except for a tee shirt i got for her. her smile is intoxicating, almost alluring, i'd better finish. no. i'd rather wait and bring her in too."

-a weekend's dawn- ivan.

Watching: Blades of Glory
Will Ferrell, your antics never cease to amaze me.

Listening: Meds : Placebo
Somehow, this song although dark.. has a different meaning to its lyrics

Reading: Power Factor Training
Yes, it's time to get into the big beat down!!! Train today, results tomoro. Live free, die well and all that jazz.

Come back to me

BB, i love my bb. My heart is heavy with frustation. Frustration because of the helplessness of the situation and the sheer intensity of sadness. The only hope is that people at this juncture do the right things at the right time. There's never been a time too critical for me but Yesterday will leave a mark, a brand, an imprint, a scar... forever in my thoughts. That the human mind is fragile, it is weak.. and yet it is the most powerful thing that we have. Kinda reminds me of V for Vendetta... I love again, I breathe again, I live again. And I want to live with you BB, sharing the best of our years in time to come. Please read, and imagine, and breathe in the future BB, for I want you in mine and I will make u happy.

Watching: 300
And now as then... a beast approaches, made up of swords and spears...

Listening: Nothing.

Reading: The Art of Seduction
It's engaging with all of its stories. But I don't see the point...

If it's a particularly beautiful day, you'll know we made it.

It's been a good 2 weeks since i last posted. Well what was there to post anyway? Course was dragging on and on... but it was a good course and I'm really glad to have made it thus far. Mambo nights were good over the past two weeks but for now, I'm going to take a break from all this chionging and concentrate on something beautiful that's happened to me.

BB, you make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me high and you are someone who came into my life and shined ever so brightly like an evening sun. Illuminating my fears and driving away the sadness. Even though you're far away, I'll still be with you in my heart and chant Dharma Sutra to keep myself calm and think of you all the time. I'll remember Monday for the rest of my life... and it'll remind me of your sweetness and your passion.

I love you, BB.

Watching: Employee of the Month and Dane Cook's Vicious Circle
Dane Cook is so funny he makes men want to sleep with 'im. He is friggin funny.

Listening: The Greatest View - silverchair
I'm watching you watch over me, the greatest view from here.

Reading: Wrestle Crap!!!
A chronological look at all the crap you've taken from the WWF all the way to the WWE!!!
And all my warriors will come together when the Moon and the star line up and we will be as oooooone!!!!

I never broke the law!!! I AM THE LAW!!!

Having begun on this course to get re-acquainted with the laws of our armed forces, I find myself struggling to understand what exactly are the intstructors teaching. Sometimes it's a mixture of a sharing session and sometimes it's just regurgitation. Nonsensical is the word. The government paid good money to educate its officers and its men. Surely the education system must've ignited a creative or bold spark to leapfrog the methods of instructional teaching for our 3G armed force... It's a disgrace to say the least that we're still hoping that pathetic powerpoint slides is a means to an end that signifies a well prepared soldier standing in the face of the civilian environment, crystal clear on the powers he has to exercise what he believes to be the law. Against well educated terrorism, we've got a long hard road ahead and by no means will this end soon.

Watching: You Me and Dupree
Kate Hudson. So hot.

Listening: Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance
If I'm so wrong,
How can u listen it all night long.
How will it matter after I'm gone
Because you never learned a goddamn thing.

You're just a sad song
With nothing to say
About a lifelong wait for a hospital stay
Well if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to you.

Reading: The Game
Intriguing.... very very intriguing but best not to get too caught up . I never know what I'm reading could be truth or not.

This River is Wild

I came back from a sailing that couldn't have been anymore peaceful... the 8 to 12 watch is the best watch timing. Sorry Dawn, next time let you have that slot. :)

I finally finished His Dark Materials. The ending was immensely painful. Although I should have seen it comin, I never thought the author would do such a thing, to seperate the two leads, but it was inevitable, balance and harmony can only be sought with sacrifice. But love is great, and the love for each other set the two lead characters apart, to do the right thing and to live the happiest of lives they could without each other. Without each other... without you, I still live. I still breathe the salty air of the sea and I still think of the times we were together. However short they were. However brief it was... I think and I curse the truth of the situation and that's the fact that I am better. I am better.

Watching: GroundHog Day
Some things just weren't meant to be repeated...

Listening: This River Is Wild - The Killers
The leaves are falling down on the beautiful ground
I heard a story from the man in red
He said the leaves are falling down
Such a beautiful sound
Son, I think you better go ahead

But you always hold your head up high
Cause it's a long, long, long way down
This town was meant for passing through
Boy, it ain't nothin' new
Now go and show 'em that the world stayed round
But it's a long, long, long way down

You better run for the hills before they burn

Listen to the sound of the world
Then watch it turn
I just wanna show you what I know
And catch you when the current lets you go

Or I should I just get along with myself
I never did get along with everybody else
I've been trying hard to do what's right
But you know I could stay here
All night
And watch the clouds fall from the sky
This river is wild

Reading: The Game by Neil Strauss
I haven't started but it is my next read.

Are you listening?! Woooooah oh oh oooooh oooooh

Lunch was fantastic today. With the guys, at Oriental Hotel Cherry Garden Restaurant. It certainly lives up to its name as a 5 star hotel. So does the price. Well I guess I won't be staying there for awhile. Not at least till I'm able to sustain a 5 figure salary. Relentless pursuit of more money seems superficial, not really the me I envisioned for the future, but if WL can do it, so should I. Not that I'm competing, but it's just waiting, right there for the taking. All that cash floating out there in cyberspace and in the market... Losers and winners... choose a side. Choose the right side.

Being at a hotel so close to the Mandarin, made me think of the Atrium... The exclusivity was gone... You had to tell your friends... Good things were meant to be shared, but I'd hoped we could've had a little more things privy to ourselves and ourselves alone. It was then that I remembered that I mattered to you. And I found solace in those words, when I realised that your laughter echoed in my memory and your smiles brought smiles to my turgid face too. Turgid.. haha, I guess I couldn't think of a better word to describe the toughness I try to put on. Silly, when I know I was never a tough guy emotionally...

Watching: Freedom Writers
It's no Dangerous Minds, but it certainly is inspiring enough. The acting's a tad bit exagerrated but I guess with 2 years to cover in 2 hours, any director would've found it difficult. The movie resent the message across my mind: Ivan, you're never in a position worse than others. There are others out there with bigger problems than your relationship woes.

Well it's true, but if you can't take care of yourself alone, you certainly aren't good enough to take care of others. Let's just focus on me for this while, focus on getting on the right bus. The right bus that'll lead to happiness. And happiness, is a pursuit that's achievable with or without you. But with you, maybe it'll be faster. Maybe it won't... Who knows.... we never got the chance.

You matter to me... you matter the most to me.

Listening: Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World

Reading: Same old yo.

Pretend you have a knife...

I was watching 23, and the scene where the lead calls out to her mate to tie her tight... was immensely heartbreaking. How so? Well, let's just say it was something similar, something exciting that had been given up. I must stop this nostalgia. This madness, this unhealthy euphoria whenever something remotely close comes to my senses...Visually, audibly, even my sense of smell is affected when a whiff of Swiss Army comes near... Yes , you aren't the only one with that scent, and I so hate it. That your control over me retains its vile strength. I do not wallow in self pity and self indulgence, I strive on human touch and emotional baggage is just not condusive to breaking out from the shell... Not when it seems I should be caring for your own baggage.

I dwell on minutiae and I know you like that, all women do. Wouldn't you agree, that the most senstive men pay attention to your slightest needs, and how funny it is that movies more often than not depict that good men are either gay, married, or dead. I am a good man. I guess I'm not bad enough.

Watching: The Number 23 - Jim Carrey (Dir: Joel Schumacher)
A good show, nice twists and turns but no roller coaster ride here. Not much of a thriller but the dreamscape of storytelling helps to lighten the mood. I wish those fucking censorship board assholes wouldn't cut out so much, put a R21 on it for god's sake if you're so worried about censorship. Who gives a damn about 18 year olds when I'm 25. Unless you're 18 and female and ready and willing...

Listening: Nothing.

Reading: Nothing at the moment. Have taken a short break.

Think I'll go to Boston, think I'll start a new life

Achievement is derived from hardwork and hardwork is all I've put into March of 2007. From the planning of my command's ceremony to the attendance of additional roles in my portfolio and to train my crew up in the better aspects of navigation, readying ourselves for that eventual inspection. Which we ended up passing. And so herein March lay tattered and torn at my feet. I'd defeated a demon better known as exhaustion and I came out triumphant above the odds. A breath of fresh air just blew in my face, okay I jest. The engine exhaust just blew in my face but it never smelled better... with the irritable tears in your eyes, you wouldn't have been able to bring me down today. Today was all about us, about me, about you and about we. Together we came thru and I achieved my first realtime operational inspection. I salute me and you and a dog named Boo.

Watching: Superman Returns
I'd love to have Xray vision.

Listening: Big Machine - Velvet Revolver

REading: As mentioned below. I'm kinda stuck.

Ready your breakfast and eat hearty!!!

Well it's been a... a good month of March... really. It has. Despite the fact that news came at a bad time, a time when I didn't need that kind of shock. At least Clerks 2 was available and Happy Feet came at an ok time to cheer things up. I was glad there were dance performances to watch too, they always hit a chord inside. I didn't things well, not at all. Was never so shaken before but the very thought... just reverberated through the entire body and I found myself actually shaking. How ironic, that you made me shake when it was supposed to end, and now that I want it all to end, it made me quiver even harder. But it also made me realise that as important a decision it is for you to make... I can only give my support but I'd never give my blessings. It would be a mistake to deny myself the knowledge that he'd be any better than me, that I could never have given you what I wanted, as much as I don't know how much you could give me in return and I ain't hanging around to wait now that you don't deny the marriage. I no longer hope, I no longer yearn. I no longer ponder. But I still care.

Watching: Clerks 2
"Oooooooh... would you fuck me? I'd fuck me.. I'd fuck me hard..... " The New and Improved Jay and Silent Bob. Hell yeah!!!

Listening: Boston by Augustana
Thanks bro for the piece of music. Took me awhile to start appreciating it but in good time. Think I'll start a new life.
Have a change of weather.
Some snow would be nice.


Reading: Still the Amber Spyglass.

I only require that you kneel

Edison actually said he was impressed with my English. Coming from him, I think that means a helluva lot. So now what, things have just gone from bad to worse. The wounds keep on tearing open and the blood keeps on flowing. Yes, it still hurts, and it hurts very badly. Until I talked to Eeshuen, I think I've never had the courage to look up to a new day. Or rather I chose not to look to a new day. Cause I've always wanted to be there for her. Be there to catch her when she falls. Just that you realise when you love a person too much, the one who hurts the most is just yourself. What can I do... sweep it all aside. Start a new chapter just as this new appointment has done. I've done exciting things few have done, sailed to places many have only dreamed of. Life and its ups and downs is at a point where it can be too extreme to handle.

Watching: 300
Yes... Tanight! We dine! In hell~~!!

Listening: Open Arms - Journey
So now I turn to you,
With open arms.
Nothing to hide,
Believe what I say.

So here I am,
With open arms.
Hoping you'll see,
What your love mean's to me.

Reading: The Amber Spyglass
Finishing soon.... Ivan must find new read. Huff Huff.

I'm drawn in...
Whenever you speak
Whenever you weep
Whenever you laugh
Whenever you cry

And I sense...
Your touch still
Your scent distil
Your loving eyes
Your tummy when you're ill

I turned away
From your smile
From your cries
From your eyes
From your goodbyes

I wrote a hope
I wrote to boast
I wrote myself
I wrote to hurt the one thing that I love most



Ivan Chua
8 Mar 07

I hope it's not depression

I don't sleep well...
I don't work properly...
I don't think straight when I need to...
I don't hear the things I want to hear...
I don't hold the person I want to...
No, this ain't love.
I hope it's not what I think it is.
I hope and I hope and I hope.
If I hope no more,
If I feel no more,
If I love no more...
Will love finally come?
I hope it's not depression.
I hope you don't see me like this...
I hope I hope I hope.

Watching: A Scanner Darkly
Nice. Real nice.

Listening: Why do you build me up?

Reading: The Amber Spyglass - Philip Pullman
3rd chapter of the trilogy by Pullman. Finally, after all this time. Edison, you can have ur books back soon.

The Greatest Reward

Take a look around, what do I see. I see a room.
I see a room and only the memories of a love gone astray.
A love gone astray, never to be found. A silent harbour.
A silent harbour I wait, wait for that hour to sail. Sail away.
Sail away to a place, a place for me to smile. For me to love again
To love again, will be the greatest gift,
To be loved again will be the greatest reward.

Watching: The Fountain.
Love story spanning across the ages. Massive interpretation required. My most admired actor and actress star in this movie, it's a good show to bring ur other half to.

Listening: It Ends Tonight - The All American Rejects
The lyrics sum it all, to be free (just like u) I have to let it go and it had to end somewhere. It being my hopes and my dreams. Not my love.

Reading: The Subtle Knife
I'm nearing the end. Suspense.

Remember me, special needs

I have never been dealt so hard a blow before. Never. It was a wake up call. And I woke up from my pessimissm and settled into a cradle of nothingness. I wake to no one beside me and I wake to nothing but more tears. I wake to nothing but more tears ... I wake to nothing but more tears. I have to forget you. I have to forget you. I have to forget you. I have to.

Threshold for pain isn't very high, but my endurance is. I'd like to move along and break free just as u have. I'm semi glad u're angry, at least you'll ignore me. At least I won't have to talk to you. I can move along easier. Because I have no one to move along with, there is only me to give myself support for the struggle within to continue reaching out to you and to provide u with a haven of comfort. This haven has started to crumble as the supports have come loose and I've reached a point where I don't know where to go. Away is what I tell myself. Away from you so you won't have to listen to me anymore. Thanks for sharing your problems, thanks for all you've made possible, thanks for the hopes and the dreams of a different life, thanks for all the memories and the times, thanks for being there when I most needed someone before, thanks..... for everything.

It's hard to realise all this. Place oneself in reality and it slaps one so hard I could reel back into oblivion. I wish there were easier ways to move ahead. I wish I had the balls to do it. I thought I did, maybe I still do, but lord I'm weak at the point of despair and only time can save me.

Being Selfish Is The Only Way To Save Myself From Self Inflicted Heartache

I did it, I can't believe I told her all that I did. But I did. Honest to the core as always, the truth hurts definitely but I couldn't care less anymore. On the verge of crying over nothing again. I won't shed a tear for someone who can't reciprocate the feelings I have no matter how much I feel for them. I won't. I refuse to. If you're reading this, I don't hate you. I'm just saving myself from further heartache.

Ran the usual 7 rounds around my estate again. This time, I could feel the wind against my face, the rain as it pitter pattered upon my skin and created little globules of dirt around the shin and calves. I heard the bark of the neighbour's pup and the silent hum of engine in the far distance as the cars entered through the main roads into the side roads that I ran on. The usual elderly strolling, seemed to be in better health. The kids were older, grown up, some were even attending my alma mater JC. I rounded the usual corners, the usual renovations were going on, if it wasn't this house it was the next.. They never ceased. The smell of grass at some points along the route, the stench of construction at others, the scent of incense from one particular house delving in natural therapy healing ... It was all much clearer now. The silent pretense of nothing more than a romance faded within that half hour.

I came back and reality seemed less harsh. Knowing that I was staying true to my feelings... seemed the best option.

Watching: Casino Royale -DVDRIP
Yes this is the kind of man I'd like to be. This particular one, not in comparison to the rest who were more playboyish.

Listening: The Pixies
What the hell are they singing?!?! Sounds good though.

Reading: Fleet Intelligence Slides.
Test coming ah!

Not Made of Steel

Sometimes I wonder if I'm being taken for superman. Other times I do believe I am able to fill his shoes. Sometimes I wonder if what I've done can change things between the both of us... other times, I know it won't. So I made up my mind, I ain't leaving my baby. I want to do things my way... still a Superman, on the inside. Bad Boys on the outside (if I can actually keep appearances up). Not exactly me, but I'm tired of waiting in the shadows, tired of being treated as number 2... I hate the way you're trying to make things work, but not with me. Hate is a very strong word to use, no ... I loathe it.

Watching: The Libertine
I like how it starts and ends... Johnny Depp, he's a role model aye.

Listening: Remember Me - Placebo
Remember me, special needs...

Reading: The Subtle Knife.
This shit just gets more and more exciting. Not only can he paint a vivid picture of our saddened, sickened world through words alone, the pace never stops and surprises never cease. Not Da Vinci Code style which was quite repetitive but in a more languid fashion. It's simple yet sophisticated.

I'm Mr. Brightside

It is the eve of the Lunar New Year. This is the year of the Pig.

Listening: Mr. Brightside - The Killers!!!!
It started out with a kiss how did it end up like this? It was only a kiss... it was only a kiss.

I just can't look!!! It's KILLING MEEEEE!!!!!!

I would sell my soul to save a loved one

Morning of Chinese New Year's eve eve, I awake to leri's msging which kind of gets me going for the day. It's not exactly spoilt till frustration takes over later. It doesn't help to know the woman you want so badly chooses to be with someone who's less worthy. I gotta admit, I'm pretty cocky saying that but that's how I really feel. Maybe he has more hair... doesn't matter. Lunch was good and the set was surprisingly cheap, nice atmosphere and lovely decor. Very very cosy. I'll let you in on the locale but you'll have to ask me yourself, I'm not giving it away, not so you'll be able to bring someone else. Selfish, but I gots to look out for myself alot more nowadays, I think the backstabs have gone on long enough. I have no debt to clear for Chinese New Year YES!!!

Watching: Ghost Rider
Nicolas Cage's worst... Blackheart looks like a gay retard and they make it as if Ghost Rider was super powerful. Okay Spirit of Vengeance and the ride looks nice, I wish we could've seen more skin on Eva Mendes, stop teasing us with the cleavage thanks. Other than her tits, nothing much more eye catching.

Listening: You Know My Name by Chris Cornell for Casino Royale
"The coldest blood runs through my veins..."
I'm hoping to set it on fire again.

Reading: His Dark Materials - The Subtle Knife
I've just started on book 2 of this trilogy and the magic continues with vivid description, powerful imagery and even more in depth character development. Philip Pullman's brandished steel against the norms of religion presents itself even more in this one and I'm only half way through. It's going to be a good ride, yay.

Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day

I swapped duties with Kel for him to spend time with his woman on Valentine's. I've never regarded this day as special, everyday would've been special if I'd treasured them more. Oh well, I believe good things can last, but for a reason not so easy to explain. Things have taken a turn for the better, I look ahead and I see good things happening. "Strive for a future that you want" is what I tell myself. Hell my present state isn't all that bad. How can I strive for a "better" future? That's assuming the present is shit! Which in all senses, isn't. Whoever coined these phrases like "better future", "better woman" etc sure got it rough. Or maybe he was just being a weak minded gay fucker. In the end, your state of mind controls your thoughts. Don't ever let anyone else control you. Don't ever let anyone else dominate your actions. Even to my COs I state my mind and opinions, in a tactful manner of course. I'll continue more later. Headed out to the pool for Scuba Review with Les, it shall be my first breath of compressed air since July. I need the weightlessness in the water to feel at ease again.

"After the Scuba Review..."
I still got it. I guess I feel most alive underwater, I breathe again.

There shan't be any lookbacks or review of the mbm's today, did nothing much for duty hence the lack of updates. Duty. Ensuring the safekeeping of the warships of my country. I'm glad there are people who are thankful for it.

Public Speaking Made Easy

I attended Public Speaking Techniques as part of clocking PD hours today. It was informative. I liked certain portions of the class but for the most part, it was a total waste of time. There's nothing daunting when speaking to a group of 30 or so but if you multiply that number by 100 more, the size of each person shrinks (perspective) and you feel like you're talking to a bunch of lemmings. Public speaking's not difficult really, Toastmasters? NOOOOOOOOOOT.

Watching: Last King of Scotland
Biopic of Ugandan dictator Adi Amin. Powerful, graphic and funny all at the same time. Don't ask me why, I just find humour in mostly everything. I know now why it was nominated for so many awards and came away with alot of them too. Good show aye, good show.

Listening: Somewhere Only We Know
I really wished that "somewhere" would remain as special as a place that only we both know. But good things are meant to be shared... though not with everyone. Maybe only I will understand this statement.

Reading: Nil

Rocking and fucking rolling and fucking rocking and fucking rolling and fucking bebebebebepiupiudiupupu

Keeping a blog is kind of neat. I find myself dropping back into a doldrum state again. I know why. It's just odd to look at myself from outside and wonder if it's because someone's gone that I don't have someone else to pay attention to. This is difficult. This is not condusive. As Les says, "Ivan ah why don't you go and find a girlfriend?" That statement felt proper, but it's all wrong. Ya don't find a woman to look at just so you won't feel a certain way, ya find a life partner cause my hair line's already receded and hopefully stays at that position along the forehead and not just hope the next one that comes along you will hopefully fall in love with along the way. Yeah, taking mah time... omph!

Watching: Tenacious D and The Pick of Destiny
Not Jack's best, but probably something close to his heart. As JB as you can get I suppose. As Tenacious D as you can get. I don't have much to say, I was disappointed yeah.

Listening: Raindrops keep falling on my head.
My first song I ever performed a dance to. That was in Primary 5. Under Mrs Ang's watchful eye. I still have no idea why she picked me. Cause I was so animated in class? But I enjoyed it all the same. Even did another performance the next year... I still wonder why I didn't continue into theatre... OH yes now I remember, VJ Theatre Studies didn't accept second intakes... not until when I finished one year of my JC studies. Those were torrid times. Nonetheless, remains one of the classics I will listen to for a good time. "Nothing's worryiiiiing meeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Reading: D200 manual
It's so powerful I need a manual to plunge deep into the depths of it's true ability!!! Long live Nikon!

Opening of the Dive Season

It's been 6 months since I last dived... I need to get back into the water soon. Les, if you read this, I am single and available on the weekend. Let me be your bitch.

Watching: Talladega Nights The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.
Will Ferrell at his best. "If you don't chew Big Red then fuck you." , "I hope you have sons!Beautiful, handsome, athletic sons!!And they have their legs taken away from em!"
By far the only movie I've ever watched in the cinema with the entire audience laughing non stop throughout the movie since Bruce Almighty. I've got the Director's Cut version. I've watched it 32 times. On the average...

Listening: N.A. (Currently typing from dive shop and no music is softly purring in the background.. Les is out and the dogs are asleep.Ssssshhh.)

Reading: His Dark Materials Book 1 (The Golden Compass) by Philip Pullman
T'was recommended to me by Edison "Oei!" Oh. A fellow colleague with an IQ of 5000 (His description I shall leave to another day). It is by far the most exciting book I have ever read, since the Death Gate Cycle by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman. The language isn't all that simple but it ain't no thesaurus driven read. The speech is fluid, digestible and realistic. Pullman paints such an elaborate picture where even the sub-character gets enough attention for your imagination to fill in the void. Picturing this adventure set amidst the locales of the world in reality is astoundingly easy. The pace of the book is like a show horse exhibition, from the trot to the slow gallop to a blazing sprint. The excitement picks up where it should and you can't really put the book down. Deliciously devoured in 3 weeks (I'm a slow reader) and that's already fast for me. Edison provided books 2 and 3 too. I'll need a bookshelf soon.

Stranger than Fiction

Watching: Stranger than Fiction, Nice as leri said it was, managed to catch in full before posting this. Certainly not Will Ferrell's best, still it was entertaining. Emma Watson, not so serious this time.

Listening:AFI, My Chemical Romance, The Killers over and over. I should really start sampling the music that leri passed to me. Finally I have the Living End! After ten years? I never did buy their CDs...

Reading: Clausewitz, a Past Masters Series.
In all seriousness, his thoughts and opinions on war are what I truly believe in. The existence of variables far outweigh the black and white directive driven landscape that is today's military in my country. Well, we're not firefighters, but everyday is a new day and all things new bring with them change and adapting to change is what every successful person can do. At least I think it does bring about success... Morale, courage, bravado, fear, anger, sadness, exhilaration, excitement, LUCK. With all these intangible factors and more, how do we hope to manage our crew with just our words, backed by our actions. Is that all that they'd ask for? That their officer stays true to his word and fights for a better future for them? Well granted that we don't fight wars in the future, I guess that's all I can lead them towards.


"Like any writing, it came inexplicably and without method." - Karen Eiffel, Stranger Than Fiction 2006.

I blog?

I'd decided to find somewhere to record the books I read and comment on them, the song at the moment of blogging and perhaps, perhaps, reveal a little bit more about my innermost thoughts.





NOOOOOOOOOOOOT!