Remember me, special needs

I have never been dealt so hard a blow before. Never. It was a wake up call. And I woke up from my pessimissm and settled into a cradle of nothingness. I wake to no one beside me and I wake to nothing but more tears. I wake to nothing but more tears ... I wake to nothing but more tears. I have to forget you. I have to forget you. I have to forget you. I have to.

Threshold for pain isn't very high, but my endurance is. I'd like to move along and break free just as u have. I'm semi glad u're angry, at least you'll ignore me. At least I won't have to talk to you. I can move along easier. Because I have no one to move along with, there is only me to give myself support for the struggle within to continue reaching out to you and to provide u with a haven of comfort. This haven has started to crumble as the supports have come loose and I've reached a point where I don't know where to go. Away is what I tell myself. Away from you so you won't have to listen to me anymore. Thanks for sharing your problems, thanks for all you've made possible, thanks for the hopes and the dreams of a different life, thanks for all the memories and the times, thanks for being there when I most needed someone before, thanks..... for everything.

It's hard to realise all this. Place oneself in reality and it slaps one so hard I could reel back into oblivion. I wish there were easier ways to move ahead. I wish I had the balls to do it. I thought I did, maybe I still do, but lord I'm weak at the point of despair and only time can save me.